Review – Blade Kitten
Developer: Krome Studios
Release Date: September 21st | September 22nd
Price: $14.99 | £9.99/€12.99
Rating: Teen | PEGI 12
What I liked:
- Some bright visuals
What I disliked:
- Floaty Controls
- Stupid Story
Blade Kitten, based on the webcomic of the same name, is a 2D sidescroller. The player takes control of Kit Ballard, a pink haired, bounty-hunting catgirl who runs around with a giant floating sword. Sound Weeaboo enough for you?
Kit’s on a weird planet and some blonde bimbo steals a key of yours. You better go get it back! You chase this bitch across a few levels and then she disappears and the story completely changes. One level you’re tasked with helping the “solls” which are these irritatingly generic soldiers in red armor. They all scream stupid shit at you like “CODE: OSCAR MOMMA GOLF.” Oh, I see what you did there. Ha… ha. That’s fine with me, except that they had been your enemy the entire game. Not only that, but throughout the level in which you’re trying to help them, they still try to fuck with you. By the time I had reached this level I had murdered over a hundred of these soldiers. The game zooms in on one that is being worked on by a medic and guilt’s you into feeling bad for him. Things get weirder when a sheriff, 3 witches, and dream sequences start getting involved, but hey, I don’t want you to understand the story, because I don’t think the writers did either.
Enough about the convoluted fan-fiction quality story, how about the other stuff? The tunes didn’t really stick with me, but they weren’t all that bad. I guess anything is better than the last game I reviewed. The graphics aren’t too bad either; they have a nice cel-shaded quality which works for the game. I’ve got to say the outdoor levels were probably easiest on the eyes. They’re caked in real bright colors; reminiscent of SNES-era games. Though most of the game looks pretty good, you’ll definitely notice some reused set pieces and rehashed spots to levels.
Levels are your standard affair, run from one side to the other. Each one is completely littered in money that you can collect to buy upgrades/new costumes (dressing up Shield Lion is an expensive venture, something for only hardcore fans/completionists). There are numerous branching paths to find hidden items and such, but none are necessary to complete the game. My favorite levels had you riding a weird dinosaur/yoshi thing that reminded me of a TaunTaun, speeding through and killing anything in your way.
When it comes to a combat platformer, you’ve got two things you really have to do right for an enjoyable experience: The combat, and the platforming. Sword Panther’s Combat consists of mashing square until your enemy dies. Square is for short attack, Circle for distance. I rarely used the long range attack. There is also a special “mousou” type move you can unleash, but there isn’t much of a use for it. In fact, I found it irritating as it is mapped to R2+Square. R2 is your sprint, so it’s great when you’re trying to get away from an enemy and you unleash a super slow-motion KO move instead of getting the hell out of there. We’re talking bare bones combat mechanics here, so that’s certainly a thumbs down. But what about platforming? Simply put, KnifeCat floats and slides around the level like she’s Teflon coated. This makes for damn aggravating sequences to the point where I was screaming at the TV. My roommates thought I had money on the Monday Night Football game or something as they could hear me from downstairs.
I’ve said this in numerous other reviews: Difficulty should come from the game itself, not controlling the damn thing. I don’t know what Joystiq was smoking.
This game can CODE: GOLF TANGO FOXTROT OSCAR